Ever since I was a little girl people always assumed I was older than my age. I was a twelve year old hanging out with fourteen year-olds who thought I was in middle school. In high school all of my best friends were a year older than me which sucked because I didn’t have the luxury of celebrating my homecoming, prom or graduation with them. When I made it to college, all of the older guys always wanted to date me because they all thought I was twenty-three (they all estimated that same exact age).
Soaking wet, I weighed no more than a buck ‘o five but the guesstimated inflation of my age had nothing to do with my looks. I just wasn’t into a lot of things my peers were into and I didn’t speak like them. I was something like an old soul who thoroughly enjoyed old school music from the 60’s and 70’s (thanks daddy) and stayed out of the clubs. Conversations about life and conspiracies excited me- I wasn’t into keeping up with the Joneses or the Kardashians of my time- I wanted to have experiences beyond pop culture. I read a lot of books and…*gasp* the newspaper.
Since I am the only child in the middle of two generations on both sides of my family (with the exception of four cousins that I didn’t see often), I spent a lot of time in “grown up conversations”. Whether it was listening to my grandparents, having unconventional yet intellectual conversations with my aunt or clowning around with my older cousins, there wasn’t much to be discussed at my “young adult” level. And I was A-okay with that. My brothers are 6, 8 and 10 years younger than me and…they’re boys. The only thing I discussed with them was disciplinary due to me being the summer babysitter, another factor that sort of accelerated my childhood.
That is why I truly believe that I’m going to marry an older gentleman. I’ve always joked with friends about marrying a “cat daddy”, which is at minimum, twenty years younger than a “sugar daddy”. A “cat daddy” is a man in between the ages of 40-50 who can still get away with chasing “younger cat”, versus a “sugar daddy” who can’t keep up physically but definitely financially. The “cat daddy” still has some hope as far as settling down and having children versus a “sugar daddy” who I can’t wrap my mind around procreating with. For those of you who can give up the “sugar”, more power to you! I can’t stomach the thought! I have a living grandfather…that’s just NAS and TEE!
Now don’t get me wrong, a “cat daddy” has to be younger than my father. No exceptions. He cannot, I repeat, CANNOT be within the same age range. So realistically, a “cat daddy” for me is in his late 30’s to late 40’s. I’ll even accept early 50’s if his rap sheet is A-1.
Maybe I’m drawn to older men because the foolery f&%k boys in my age range and lower are at an all-time high. I’ll take a dress shirt and some slacks over a fitted cap, True’s and some J’s any day. I know this isn’t true for all older men (especially the ego-driven ones with money) but they tend to have most of their “chasing” days out of their system and are ready for commitment. Some are divorced and looker for better days and a second chance at giving and receiving real love in an equal partnership. Most of them are established and know their purpose in life and aren’t looking forward to wasting anymore time. They are ambitious, more financially stable and have achieved certain goals on their bucket list. They know how to start a conversation, practice the long lost art of chivalry and dress for the occasion. They have stepped into manhood and that ish is sexxxxaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy to me! And don’t let him be a tall chocolate man with salt & pepper hair? CHILE, I LIVE! #LifeGiven
On the opposite end of that, some older gentleman may have ex-wife/baby mama drama, out-of-wedlock children who are possibly older (I can’t with being a step-mom to a teenage heffa rolling her eyes at me), disgruntled workaholics, etc. They have a whole different set of issues from a man ten years their junior. Nevertheless, those are things to evaluate per case, just as I would with any man.
I am highly fortunate, blessed and grateful for having a strong presence and examples of what real black men are. My father and grandfather have raised and are still raising me til this day. It is their duty until I say “I do” and I’ll be damned if the man I say that to isn’t at least three quarters of what they are. I’m not placing them on a pedestal because they are human and make mistakes like the rest of us. However, their mistakes and examples are what I know, and I have yet to see a man within my generation exude that. I have yet to find an intellectual match or a man who has been taught how to honor and respect a woman like they used to teach. I’m not completely counting out every man in my age range but I’m just sayin’…that older swag does something to me!
Marrying UP: Where The “Cat Daddys” At?!
Ever since I was a little girl people always assumed I was older than my age. I was a twelve year old hanging out with fourteen year-olds who thought I was in middle school.